Truth is I didn't... and then I did.... and then I didn't .....and then....I did! And so it went on like that for the next two years of our relationship; me trying to figure out who I was, who he was and who we were together if we could even be a we.
It all started my first day of college in the Summer of 2011, going from high school to college all within the same year was amazing! The guys looked so different and on my first day I fell in love about six time or so. My now Fiance happens to be one of the guys I "fell for." I remember I opened the door for him and thought to myself "wow! he is soooo handsome!" I went home and told my mom all about this handsome guy that I went to school with and for the next month I tried to figure out his name, but me being shy, that month turned into a whole semester of trying to figure out who he was and what he was majoring in. Later to find out that he was also a Photography major, so excited to know that at least sometime in the next four years I was going to be able to talk to him...
And so the story began in Lighting Class, second semester when we had class together. I would walk into class every morning excited that he was there, however, he wasn't really one to smile, he wasn't one to talk, he wasn't one to do anything too out there. So why did I like him? I was always described as the girl that smiled constantly and laughed at anything, for the most part nice to people and even though I wasn't a big talker, I was definitely big with listening. Here I was falling for someone who was the total opposite of me, but that was okay. We talked and I was more nervous than I have ever been before, I couldn't even make eye contact with him and of course he made that known, "is there a circus going on around my head he said?" to which I had no smart response and replied with something less than charming.
Later went on our first date, which I honestly didn't think he was going to call so instead of getting ready I cleaned the house, then he calls to see if I'm ready... so here I was finally going on a date with the guy I liked and his first impression of me was me being late. At the time I was dating someone else and hanging out with my now Fiance and it was awkward. I knew that I liked him, but I also didn't want to do anything that would upset my at the time boyfriend. I went on a few more "hang outs" with my now Fiance and after five or so dates I decided to end things with the guy I was dating at the time and went on "what the hell adventure" and dated Austin. For the next two years it went from "ohhh, he's the man of my dreams" to "what am I doing with him?!" I was kind of a cold person so it took a while for us to really be able to hit it off. Every single time we fought I had this urge to apologize and say you know what it was my fault I'm sorry, for the first time ever I was dating a guy who I was okay to say "I was wrong, I'm sorry, I'm going to try to be a better person and I'll try to make things better next time" First time ever admitting I was wrong, first time ever enjoying the same person after months and then after years. It was the first time a guy treated me with truths and honesty rather than with lies so he wouldn't hurt my feelings and I LOVED that! He was the first guy to tell me what he liked, listened to what I liked and we were able to meet in the middle to compromise. He was himself, he was the perfect amount of kind and funny and always had me laughing no matter what he did.
First two years were a bit off, but once the third year came then the fourth I knew that he was the one! During a trip to Mexico, we decided to take a break, but while I was there, I had a life changing experience and in that moment I knew that every single time that i fake broke up with him or every time I said something mean I was damaging and chipping away at the person that meant the most to me. I knew that from that day forward I wanted to do everything in my power to make him happy, to make us work and to help make him the best version of himself he could be, and fortunately he has done the same for me. From that day forward everything changed our fights became less, we still fought of course, but not so intensely. When we disagreed we used it as improvement. We worked hard on ourselves and on our relationship and to love and cherish those around us. We worked hard to express how we felt and to let each other know that we will always be there for one another.
As he pursued his career in different things he wasn't happy and I knew that, he finally decided he wanted to go into web development and I knew that I wanted to support him in any way I could. I wanted to support him with his career because that is what he did with mine, whether he was modeling for me, holding the reflector or him helping me with the aperture and shutter priority, he was always there to help me and to inspire me. Austin was always there to remind me that everything was going to be okay because I knew that I had chosen a profession that was hard to be successful in, it's an extremely competitive field yet I chose to do it and he has been by my side every step of the way. He got me my first professional camera last year for Christmas.
Now here I am two months before our wedding day, knowing more than ever that he is the man of dreams, the man that I love, the man that inspires me every day, he's everything I've always wanted and never knew I needed. When I say I love him it goes beyond that... when I say I love him I also mean I love his family, I love who he is, I love who he was, I love the changes he is making, I love the way his career makes him happy, I love the way he makes me happy, I love the way he loves my family, the way he supports my career and anything I decide to do to better myself, I love his never ending patience and ever lasting love. He has taught me what patience is. He's the greatest example of a person who loves simply, but has such a complicated mind. And for all that I am forever thankful!
This post was so important to me that I kept putting it off, our wedding was September 9th, 2017. I left everything as it should have been had I posted it on time back in July :)